On knowing when you’re cooked

Not all stories are about the avoiding the trap…

I was cruising down I-10 coming into Jacksonville, FL, when I found myself stuck behind two truckers whose sole purpose in life appeared to be regulating the speed of every other driver to 60 by driving side-by-side. After nearlyten minutes of the blockade, I finally saw my opening.

Hammer down, I moved into the passing lane and got around the rolling formation only to have my V1 start screaming “LASER.” There, hidden just past the other side of an overpass, was a Florida Highway Patrol officer in ambush.

Glancing down at my speedometer, I saw that I was just shy of three digits on the dial. Let’s get it over with; I threw on my blinker and pulled off to the side of the road. The trooper barely had time to get his car into drive and turn his lights on before I was parked with the flashers on, in the grass well clear of the pavement, waiting for him to coast up behind me.

“This can not be good.” I thought as he leisurely stepped out of the vehicle and strolled up to my window.

“Do you know why I ‘pulled you over’?” He asked, making the air-quotes gesture as he chuckled.

“Yes, sir, I was going REALLY fast.”

“Are you in a big hurry to get somewhere?”

“No sir, those trucks had been holding up the traffic for miles and I thought I just could just shoot around them.”

“How’d that work out for you?”

“Not well at all, sir.”

He took my license and registration and went back to his car for a few minutes before returning.

“Well, you made this the easiest and safest stop I’ve ever had. I’m gonna let you off with a warning on this one, but slow it down.”

As he went back to his car after giving back my ID and handing me my very official looking warning, I looked up at my V1 in appreciation; It may not be faster than the speed of light, but the quick and accurate warning that I’d been lased saved me from a huge ticket, higher insurance premiums, and gave me a darn good story to tell.

Michael O’Leary
Jacksonville, FL

In observance of the Memorial Day weekend, all orders placed after 12:00 PM, Friday, May 24, 2024 will ship on Tuesday, May 28, 2024.